Dip it, pop it, twirk it, stop it, check on me tonight

I bet if Gandhi were alive today, he would totally be an ass man.

Larry Ellison is my new homeboy

Dude can burn through cash like a true gangsta. $200 million for a boat that loses races? I'm pouring out a bottle of my Donaghey for you L-train. Dad, I hope you're taking notes. Only $32 million? On blow and hookers? You embarrass me. Call me when you're ready to play with the big doggs. L-E, keep on playin' playa. I just took out $150 million from the ATM, put it in the back of my Rolls and had my 12th assistant drive into the side of Jay's private jet. Your move.

Drop a couple hundreds tell him leave it at the door

A lot of people say "the children are the future". I agree. Especially the prettier ones, because they have a better chance of being famous and famous people have a lot more money than unfamous people. If you have money, then you can give it to charities, like those that make time machines to go into the future. Thusly, children are the future.

10 Commandments: Beyonce Knowles

For those of you who don't read a little paper called the Belfast Telegraph, I thought I'd just paste this article from Sunday's issue here to show how I'm making a difference around the globe with my interviews and dreams.

1. Never give up on your dreams.
Achieving them and inspiring other people to go after their own dreams is so rewarding.

2. Follow your creative side.
One of the things that kept me out of trouble, aside from my parents, was I was always a creative child.

Whether it was writing songs or writing poems or making clothes or dancing, putting on shows, whatever, it was something creative.

I just think that's so wonderful for kids.

3. Friendships are so important.
I've had small depressions; days when I've woken up and felt sad. I've got my religion and that is my therapy, although it is always good to have someone to talk to.

Thank goodness I have many friends.

4. Trust is really important in all relationships.
I really don't like people who aren't real people around me.

I don't like people who are 'yes' people. I don't like people who tell me what they think I want to hear.

5. Don't worry about what others might think of you.
I used to, but not any more. And I've been really happy with myself as a person ever since.

6. Nothing is perfect all the time.
There are plenty of days when I'm like 'Oh God, why?'. But that's just life.

Every moment is not perfect, but there are definitely more good times than bad. So be thankful.

7. Laughter really is the best medicine.
I am very attracted to someone who makes me laugh.

I'm just a sucker for somebody who can do that.

8. Accept responsibility as early as you can.
Even before I was 21, I was making adult decisions.

I had an adult job with adult responsibilities. I guess I was forced to mature with while with Destiny's Child.

9. Love is something that never goes out of style.
It's something everybody experiences. And if they are not in love, then most people usually want to feet romantic.

10. Work hard and deserve everything you have.
I never thought I'd have so much money. I just wanted to be financially stable.

But I have worked very hard to get where I am.

The best part of me, I gave you.

I don't trust the government, so I definitely don't trust the post office. When I need to send something in the mail, I usually just send my 6th assistant (aka Pony Express) with $10 and an autographed photo of me and tell her to get that s#&t done.

But now that they be raisin' they prices on stamps, I am worried I may have to give her more... I mean $41 for one letter? The socks at House of Dereon don't even cost that much.

On a side note, if you want your own B'stamps, please go here. Just tell them I sent you, they'll hook you up.

This can't go on now

Stupid gap-toothed Brits. Obviously I didn't order "Boston Market rotary chicken". First off, are they talking about a chicken or a phone? Seriously, WTF mate. And second, there ain't no way I'm eating no Boston Market. Everyone knows that stuff for crakers. I only eat the good stuff. Now that's what I call biscuits. Amen.

But the cards never lie, I thought I told you

I've been taking a lot of flack for my post on the aliens. For all you haters out there, click here, here and here. Yeah, what you got now suckas?

Ain't no dialtones, just milestones.

I read this thing about how someone wrote down what i said about radio and the web. I just wanted to clarify what I meant.

I've decided not to use the internet or radio b/c of the aliens that live in the wires and airwaves. I only use internet to B'log. But I want to make it clear that doesn't mean that any of you should stop (a) listening to my music, (b) looking at my pictures online or, especially, (c) buying my music online.

Or (d) all of the above PLUS don't stop reading this b'log.