Movies that I am not in (well, kinda)

300 - This movie was about 300...um, well...so there are these 300 things and they...uh...go to this place where they play...um, no, um...OK, well, so here's the deal. I bought my ticket and was sitting in the theatre waiting for this movie to start and I began thinking, "300 is a really big number. A really really big number." And then I started to get nervous that there was going to be counting or math in the movie, cause I don't like math. Or counting. So I left, went home to my penthouse, ordered in from Per Se and put in one of my favorite DVDs instead. So, as a special treat to you, here's a review of...

Austin Powers in Goldmember - This movie stars me in the lead role and co-stars this hairy guy from some late night TV show. They wanted me to do the movie by myself, but we had to let the hairy guy and his pet midget in because I guess they were in the first movie or something. Well, anyway, I tried to act down to his level, but I still stole the show. Here's what some people said about my performance:

The big surprise is Beyonce Knowles who gives a very confident debut perf as sexy spy, Foxxy.

- Robin Clifford

...Foxxy Cleopatra — a striking presence thanks to Beyonce Knowles' outlandish but dynamite makeup and costuming.

- Mike Clark

Ms. Knowles knows how to strut that strut

- Stephen Holden

Beyonce is amazing. She's beautiful, hot, smart, sexy and looks great in the tight dresses. She's every bit as mesmerizing on the big screen as she is on her albums.

-Mom

I give this movie a Bootylicious.