Um???

So, yesterday I found out that 'American Idol' isn't about me.

Pick up the phone, come on

You have probably heard by now that I'm the new spokesperson for this Chinese company "Sam Song". I got a free cellie for doing it (even though I only use Vertu phones). Anyway, they gave me this phone and it can play all of my songs, which is totally dope cause that's all I listen to. But can someone explain to me how the hell the fit all my CDs into this tiny phone? I bet they got a shrinking ray from the Japanian people--they're crazy nerds like that.

Listen

I've had a lot of fans write to me and ask what inspired me to write the Academy-Award nominated song 'Listen' from the Dreamgirls soundtrack. So here it is, boo:

One night in bed, J asked me why he wasn't in my Top Eight. I sat up and began to explain, "listen..." when I realized he'd probably understand better through song. So, I scribbled down a few thoughts, took a few minutes to choreograph some moves and tried and tried to say what was on my mind.

And that was it! My producers edited out the lines about Tom to make it more universal, but it totally works on like 4 levels.

Movies that I am not in

Shooter - Went to see this with the H.O.V.A. He said it was going to be about basketball. It wasn't. I have no idea what it was about. There were a lot of white people shooting each other and I'm totally opposed to violence. Unless it's like really cool gangsta violence. I give this an Airball!

TMNT - Now this was a real movie. I like to think of it as a thinking-man's Spiderman. The acting was bangin'. I've seen turtles at the zoo before and they ain't got nothing on these 4. I give this a Turtle Power

Baby let me know if you wanna ride with this

It felt really good helping all the Africans, so I decided to go help another really poor country that was far away -- Australia. It's a lot worse down here than I thought. I don't think I've seen a single Maybach since I've been down here, their Nutella tastes like crap and these poor people can barely speak english. There's clearly a lot of work for me to do down here, so I've added another show and am having my people ship 300 cases of Tab Energy down here for the Abodigital people.

Manifest my destiny

I definitely don't drink. But if I did, I wouldn't drink too much. And if I did drink too much, I would definitely not get a hangover. But then if I had a hangover I would totally drink TAB Energy Drink

Not only does it have a can that's pink and cute, it is "fuel to be fabulous." And I obviously don't need any help with fabulosity, but for my fans who are always asking how I do it... grab a TAB.

Girl I didn't know you could get down like that

I'm sure all of you have noticed I haven't updated the site in a few days. That's because for the past 72 hours straight, I've been drinking "B'Juice" and Googling myself. Well, actually, for the last 3 hours, I've just been watching this video on loop:



Haha. That never gets old!

Green light, green light

In honor of whatever holiday it is where white people wear ugly green outfits, my gift to my fans is a photo of me. I know I'm not wearing green... but there's lots of green trees and the alligators are green. I tried to find a photo of me in the alligator jumpsuit I had made right after this shoot, but this is the best I could do.

Green doesn't work on everyone, so I'm thankful that I could make this photo pop.

I'ma be like a waffle cone that's drippin' down to the floor

Sup, y'all. This is Sasha comin' to you from the kinky side of Beyonce's brain. I pick up where BK's "ethics" and "strict, Christian upbringin" stop short. I'm the one with the freakum dress. I am Foxxy Cleopatra. And, yes, I did write "Suga Mama."

I just hit up the blog from the club to clear something up. Beyonce may say she feels "sorry" for the children of destiny, but those bitches didn't leave room on stage for my uninhibited flow. So they had to go. Time to leave the show. We ain't got room for you, no mo'.

Time to get back to the flo', but please direct any further questions or comments to sasha.gettin.bodied@gmail.com.

Much success, no stress, and lots of happiness

I often wonder what happened to all my former Destiny Child's members--Kelly, Michelle, LaTavia, LeToya and Farrah. I hope they're doing OK after I fired them and had my dad repossess all the crap I gave them.